Watch Me Bleed
by moonlightstudio
Summary: Giving people artificial hope that I might get better and then rip it away from them would have been malicious. Heartless. Rated M just in case.
1. Watch Me Bleed: Bella

**Watch Me Bleed **. . . Scary Kids Scaring Kids

I wrote this one-shot a couple of days ago, and it's a lot different to my usual stories. It doesn't have a happy ending, but there is a dark theme towards the end, I don't expand on it, but you still know it's there. I'm not going to tell you what it is, you could probably guess, but please keep that there is a dark theme in this story in mind.

This video sprung into my mind after watching a youtube video, and I'll put the link to that youtube video on my profile page.

I would like to express my love and gratitude to my best friend **EdwardIsMyBeautifulNightmare**__for helping me with this story, not only with your enthusiasm for it but with your helpful criticism and kind words as well.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight, or its characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. And I do not own some dialogue used in this story either, they belong to Melissa Rosenberg. But I do own this story and a copy of 'Ever After'. A truly beautiful movie.

**Summary: **Giving people artificial hope that I might get better and then rip it away from them would have been malicious. Heartless.

I didn't see the pain as an omen; I saw it as simply unavoidable. The void in my chest where my heart use to be ached for the man I loved, but didn't love me back. A man that left me with false pretenses and promises that turned to soot and ash when he left me numb and broken on the wet, sodden forest floor.

Months passed, but that night haunted my dreams and his voice was always in the back of my mind like a soft whisper. Remembering the words he once spoke to me, the words that turned to lies the night he told me didn't want me anymore.

I didn't know what hurt the most. That he never did love me, or that he eventually stopped. But even if either was true, I still meant every word I spoke to him. My love for him was innocent and pure, unscathed by anything fake. I wanted him here with me now, but I knew that he'd never be with me again, at least not in this life.

The darkness of the night would always remind me of him, of what he was. And although he told me that it would be like he never existed, the pain that I felt every hour of every day was enough proof that he was. He wasn't some figment of my imagination; he wasn't a glitch in my brain that only I could see. He was real, and the pain he left me with was real as well.

When I close my eyes and succumb to unconsciousness I am forced to relive our goodbye over and over again. But the worst part is that when I run to follow him, there is nothing. I feel like I am chasing after nothing. Like there was no Edward, there was no us, and there was no love.

Isolating myself away from everybody was a good thing, that way I wouldn't have them badgering me for answers to questions I didn't want to answer. _Where's Edward? Did you break up? What's wrong with you? _I could hear them in my head now, imagine each person asking them. Being alone helped me put a wedge between me and the world I knew Edward didn't live in.

The way I was acting must have made people think I was turning suicidal, but I didn't think that was a bad thing. Because the world I was occupying meant very little to me without Edward. This life wasn't worth living if he wasn't beside me. I knew my actions must have been killing Charlie, knowing that his daughter was suffering and he couldn't do anything about it. But I couldn't stop feeling this way . . . I didn't want to stop feeling this way.

Somewhere in this world Edward was out there, living a life without me. I didn't know what he was doing, or who he was with, I didn't know if he was happy or if he was missing me as much as I was missing him. But all I knew was that he was the reason for the separation, but I was to blame. My being human was what drove us apart, was what made him turn away and not look back. Not even a glance.

Maybe if I had been immortal, if I hadn't tempted him every time he was with me, then maybe he'd still be here with me. Beside me. Loving me. Kissing me. Holding me. He wouldn't have walked away. I gave him my heart, body and soul, I gave him all of me and it wasn't enough. I told him to change me, but he didn't want to turn me into a monster. But I wondered whether that was really the reason. Was I not good enough for him? Was I not what he wanted?

His bronze hair, emerald green eyes, beautiful pale skin and dazzling crooked smile left me breathless; he was simple perfection. I was nothing. I would never be anything, but Edward would also roam the earth leaving every girl staring as he walked by, not being able to take their eyes off of him. He would always be somebody. I wouldn't.

Time passes, even as painful as it seems, it does. It passes slowly and agonizingly, every tick of the second hand nudging the hole in my heart, reminding me that it wasn't there but with the person that didn't want me. I died when Edward left, and I knew that I'd never live again. Nothing meant anything to me anymore. I was numb; all I could feel was the pain. There was nothing else. No happiness, no glory . . . I had nothing but pain in all of my being.

Tears feel freely down my face when I thought of him, remembering those precious moments that we spent together, but knowing that they were limited. Knowing that there was no happy ending, that there never would be. Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget.

At night all I thought about was him. The peculiar yet astonishing world that he'd introduced me to, made me love, and then ripped away from me. I knew I belonged in that world, it was the world I'd always belonged in, but without him it meant nothing, like everything else in my life.

Pain. Pain. Pain.

It was all I felt, all I wanted and all that I lived for. I couldn't escape it, I couldn't hide from it and I didn't want to. Loving him was all that I ever wanted, and if dying inside little by little everyday kept me from forgetting him, not that I ever would, then I was okay with that. Even as sick as that sounded I didn't mind dying a little. Because it was for him.

I know Jacob loved me, and I was grateful for that, that he thought I was worthy of his time and space in his heart. But not even that could stop me from coming to one conclusion. The pain was what reminded me of Edward, but death would bring me closer to him, because he was dead in a way too.

Hurting Jacob was never on my agenda, but I couldn't stop. Pulling him close and pushing him away was straining him, but he wouldn't let me go and I wouldn't stop pushing. I didn't want him to watch me fade away into nothingness, a distant memory like a train that passes you on the train tracks and disappears into the distance. I didn't want to haunt his heart like Edward was doing to me, knowing that how I felt would be passed down to him. But I needed this. I needed Edward.

I was already gone when Jacob came to me, offering his help and support. There was nothing he could have done to change my mind, not even his love could live up to what Edward and I had. Jacob was a friend, and I loved him, but he would never be enough.

Love . . . life . . . meaning . . . over.

The day Edward turned away everything was over. There was nothing here for me, I didn't want to be here. My life was dull, unlivable without him. It was like a world with no sun, a fish without water, a tree with no roots. I wasn't stable, I couldn't breathe.

"_He's not coming back."_

Charlie's words were true, Edward was never coming back. And although I spent the first few months looking out my bedroom window hoping to see his face, I knew I'd never see it . . . only in my imagination. In my own thoughts.

"_It's just not normal, this behavior. And quite frankly it's scaring the hell out of me."_

The behavior wasn't normal, and it was scaring the hell out of me as well. But I welcomed it, I needed it. I didn't want to hurt Charlie, or Renee, or Jacob, but in the end it was all about what I needed. Who I needed. I needed to be free from this world, from this life. And I needed Edward.

Keeping up with a false pretense would have been stupid, pretending to be happy when I wasn't would have been obtuse. Giving people artificial hope that I might get better and then rip it away from them would have been malicious. Heartless. But showing them my authentic feelings towards the issue would have given them a fair warning of what might happen.

I was sick of screaming at night, I was sick of dreaming of nothingness and I was sick of him not being here. I needed him. I couldn't stop needing him.

"_Don't do this."_

His perfect, angelic voice was clear in my head. And even if he may not have really been here I rejoiced that I could hear him.

"_You wanted me to be human. Watch me."_

The knife felt heavy in my hands, but I continued to bring it closer to my wrists. Blood is what tore us apart, and I believed that blood should be what brought us back together. I didn't think of those who loved me, who cared for me and who wanted me alive as I sliced it across my wrist. Didn't think of the pain or pressure as blood began to seep from the deep wound. I only thought of Edward and that we'd be together soon.

I didn't think of those who tried to help me as I lay my head down against my pillow, didn't think of those who befriended me on my first day at Forks High as I lay the knife down on my bedside table. I didn't think of Charlie, Renee, Jacob, Jessica, Angela, Eric, Tyler or Mike. I didn't think of anyone but him.

I didn't think of what would happen when Charlie walked in the next morning and found me dead on my bed with blood everywhere, realizing that he had failed his daughter. I knew it was selfish of me, but I hoped that he knew it wasn't his fault, but that it was what I needed. And that someday, somehow he'd accept that. Charlie had done everything he could have done in a situation like this, but in the end only my actions could fill the empty space in my chest.

Time couldn't help me, time couldn't make me forget. It only made me realize how much I needed him. How much I couldn't live without him. I was already dead before I really was.

The life drained from me, but I didn't feel a thing.

Death is peaceful.

Life is harder.

**A/N**

I would like to thank those who have read all of this, and is reading this now. I'm thinking that I might do a couple more chapters of this story, but I might not so I'm marking it as complete for now. Please tell me what you think, it would be deeply appreciated.

~Sophia


	2. Forgiven: Charlie

**Forgiven **. . . Within Temptation

So, I told you that I was thinking about continuing, so here is the second chapter. Each chapter will be a different POV of how they reacted to Bella's suicide. And each chapter will be named after a song, and I will put a link to the song on my profile page.

So this is Charlie's Point Of View and I hope you enjoy it, Jacob's Point of View will be next. I'm going to update every week since I haven't written chapters after Jacob, so next update will probably be between Tues-Fri.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight, or its characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. And I do not own some dialogue used in this story either, they belong to Melissa Rosenberg. But I do own this story and a copy of 'Ever After'. A truly beautiful movie.

**Summary: **Love can tear us apart, rip us to pieces and ground us into the dirt. It makes us want to rip our hair out and scream.

_Couldn't save you from the start  
Love you so it hurts my soul  
Can you forgive me for trying again  
Your silence makes me hold my breath  
Oh, time has passed you by  
Ooh, for so long I've tried to shield you from the world  
Ooh, you couldn't face the freedom on your own  
Here I am left in silence _

_You gave up the fight_

_You left me behind_

The uneasiness of the morning breeze was what woke me up. The morning sun filtered in through the curtains, and the house was quiet. I looked at my alarm and noticed I'd slept through it; something that I never did.

I was up and out of bed without a moment of hesitation, making my way down the small hallway and to Bella's door. I put my ear to her door and listened for anything, something. But there was nothing. With tentativeness I slowly opened up the door, peeping my head around the door and looked into Bella's room, hoping to find her cooped up in her bed.

But every time you get your hopes up, they're destined to fall. I should have known that before I thought it. The door slipped from my grip as I saw my daughter lying across her bed with her wrists dangling over the edge, blood spreading down her arm and dripping onto the floor. There was a puddle of her blood on the carpet and I tried to not look at it as I ran to her.

Tears were already falling, I couldn't stop them. I wasn't one for emotion, but seeing my daughter here, like this, was something I couldn't just ignore with a shoulder shrug or a huff. This was important, this was my own life. Lying there in front of me dead.

I checked her pulse, but I couldn't feel anything. Just to be sure I placed my ear near her mouth, because my daughter couldn't be dead. She just couldn't be. I could feel a small amount of air blow onto my cheek as she breathed out and I sighed in relief. I knew from the amount of blood that was on the floor that she must have been like this for hours and I thanked God that she was still alive. But I knew that she wouldn't be for long if I didn't get her to the hospital.

Never before in my life had I been in this sort of situation. Everyone I loved ended up leaving me, but I never thought that one would end up dead. Seeing my daughter on her bed with slit wrists, I just couldn't believe it.

I hadn't known Bella, not really. But I'd wanted to, so I tried. But our inability to express our feelings set us apart from the start. If I'd known everything would come down to this I would have tried harder to know Bella, to be with her. For seventeen years of her life I hadn't know her very well. Seeing her for a couple of days every summer had never been enough for me, but that was all Renee would give me.

I loved my daughter, and I always would. I just didn't want her to be dead. I'd tried so hard after Edward left to get her out of this state of depression but she just wouldn't budge. I hadn't been able to save her from the start, but I was going to try now. She had to live, I didn't care that she wanted this, I didn't care that she couldn't live without him, I wasn't going to sit here and allow my daughter to die. Not this way.

The guilt pulled and twisted at my insides as I drove to the hospital. And when I got there it got a lot worse. I couldn't live without Bella, I'd gotten so use to her being there with me, and now I don't see a life without her. She was always supposed to be there. I wanted to grow old with her, watch my daughter graduate. I wanted to see her fall in love and get married.

I wanted to see her get over Edward.

Of course he was important, he was her first love, and it had ended in heart break. She'd been so unresponsive over these past months and I just knew that something wasn't right. She wasn't coping with his absence, she wasn't getting better. There was no progress in her condition. It was like a life without Edward was no life at all.

I waited impatiently in the waiting room, hoping for some good news on Bella. I wanted to call someone, I knew that people should know, but calling someone would make it official. My daughter had tried to kill herself. And I hadn't been able to stop it.

As a father I should have seen it coming, I shouldn't have been so oblivious. The signs were all there and I hadn't thought to think that maybe just maybe she was considering this option. It was obvious that she didn't want to be where she was; although she did try to protect me from most of it she never tried to hide anything.

The school had even rung once, reporting to me about Bella's unexplained difference in attitude. She was distant in class, voiceless and invisible. She sat at the back and always hid herself amongst others, but I knew she'd never felt more alone. It was all in her eyes.

She was surrounded by people she knew but she felt all alone. Because Edward wasn't there. I hated the way one boy had left so much impact on my daughter with his absence. I wanted to find him and wring his pretty little neck. I wanted him to go through what he put my daughter through. It was his entire fault she was here.

But I knew that wouldn't help anyone, blaming it on someone who wasn't here. I couldn't bring him to court for it, send him to prison. Bella had done this to herself; she didn't want to be here. Edward had just been the catalyst.

I didn't want to be here, but I couldn't leave her. I wanted her to live, I wanted to see her open those beautiful chocolate brown eyes again. I wanted to hear her voice and see her smile. I wanted to see my baby girl again.

I remembered how she looked when she had been born, all pink and blotchy. But she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And she was mine. After she came to live with me after all these years I vowed to myself that I would never let her go again. But now here I am and she's in the emergency room because she lost a big amount of blood over a boy.

I wish there had been a note, a reason for why she did this. Something for me to prove that Edward was at fault here. I knew he was going to find out about this someday. You don't go on and just forget about your first love. You'll always remember them, one day Edward will discover what he did. But if I ever saw him . . . I'd reach for a gun and he wouldn't have a chance.

Bella had lost the fight to depression, just like so many others. She'd left me behind hoping that I'd somehow make it through, but I couldn't without her. She was my rock in this world; she was my daughter, my reason for living. I loved her, I always would and I just couldn't live without her.

Bella had fallen in love for the first time when she was seventeen, and she'd lost her first love in the first couple of months. I knew it had scared her, knowing that the one she loved left her behind. But I thought that maybe she could forget him. Move on.

She didn't.

Love can tear us apart, rip us to pieces and ground us into the dirt. It makes us want to rip our hair out and scream. It can be frustrating and sometimes a little hard, but there are times when it is special and beautiful.

Bella loved Edward.

He hadn't loved her enough.

And then thinking that she hadn't been enough, Bella took her own life. I had to live with that, the guilt that my daughter fell in love with a man that lost his love for her along the way. Knowing that my daughter hadn't been enough for that pretty boy.

Bella was everything to me. But she had been nothing to him. He should have been the one dealing with this, but now I was. I didn't want my daughter to be in there, I couldn't believe that she was. But she was, and I couldn't change that.

I loved my daughter and I wanted her to pull through.

But I couldn't help but think about what would happen if she didn't. My life would be over, I'd have no daughter. No special creation that brought my life happiness.

I'd have nothing.

**A/N**

Thank you to everyone who is still reading this, I hope you enjoy it. It's a little sad to write, but it gives me something to write about so I'm happy. Song links are now on my profile page.

~Sophia


	3. My Immortal: Jacob

**My Immortal **. . . Evanescence

So this is the third little installment in this little story. There will be a couple more, focusing in on some characters as Bella's suicide affects them. Don't know when Edward will come in, but I'm pretty sure it will be last since he has something special to do in the end. Something he does for Bella. So I'll let you ponder on that little thought as I leave you with this.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight, or its characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. And I do not own some dialogue used in this story either, they belong to Melissa Rosenberg. But I do own this story and a copy of 'Ever After'. A truly beautiful movie.

**Summary: **I didn't want to see my father or Charlie or anyone else and see the solemn looks on their faces, knowing that we'd all lost her.

I should have known that Bella wasn't okay. The aloofness in her eyes and the way her skin seemed to sink into her bone wasn't normal, but the front that should put up had been so authentic to be that I didn't think to look past it. Of course I knew that a part of her was missing, the part that Edward took with him, but I thought that she'd been dealing with it; getting better.

Guilt consumed me; I could perceive a future with no Bella. Couldn't consider any life at all. For the past year and even before that I had been totally infatuated with Bella; besotted by the girl I'd known since I was a little boy. There was no point in my life where I didn't see Bella, because somehow in some way she had always been around.

It hurt me to realize that I hadn't helped her through this rough patch in her life. And although I hated what she'd done I didn't hate her. I could never hate Bella. Not even now. She'd left me in this world without her and I couldn't hate her because I loved her. And I always would.

She ended her life because she loved Edward though, she didn't love me. I wondered why I was still standing here grieving over someone who didn't love me back, but I knew the answer and that's why I never questioned what I did when it came to Bella; it all came naturally. Bella was the sun and I revolved around her, she was true and perfect, someone I loved not because of her looks but for the person she was inside. She wasn't perfect, nowhere the perfection someone would deem it so today, but to me she was beautiful. Always was and always would be.

I knew that in some way I'd pushed her away as well, pulling her close and then pushing her away. But then again we both did the same thing. She pushed me away and I pulled her close, I pushed her and she pulled me in. Ever since becoming a wolf I'd been doing just that. And then when I'd seen her losing hope in me . . . in us, I decided to pull her back.

It was then, when she was crying outside of my house and begging for me to come back to her that I realized I couldn't live without Bella. She needed me then and I wasn't there for her. I could have helped her, but I'd already turned my back. If I could take anything back, it would have been that day. Because that day might have changed something. It might have changed what she did to herself.

The ache in my heart was unbearable, knowing that some way down the line I'd been one of the reasons Bella turned her back on her life. But the majority of the blame went to Edward. She loved him with everything she had and he walked away from her. He walked away from everything she had been offering him.

It was him, it was always him.

She was the reason she killed herself. I was just something that helped her back her decision to leave this place easier. I didn't know how she could have done it though, turned her back on Charlie the way she had. He'd brought her in when her mother had wanted to spend time with someone else, he'd grown to love her and care for her although he hadn't really known her until a year ago.

There were so many people who'd be affected by her death. So many people who would look back and think about one situation that they could have changed. So many people who might think of those things that could have been, should have been or would have been if she hadn't taken her own life. People who would blame themselves for what she'd done.

They might think of what she would have worn to school the next day, or would she have moved on from Edward? Or would she have gone to Prom in her Senior year, would she have partied after graduation?

Bella was a life cut short because of a broken heart. She couldn't find reason without Edward; she couldn't find any hope in the life he'd left her in. Broken and tangled inside of her porcelain cement appearance, she convinced everyone that she okay. But she never was okay, she never had been okay. She'd always been broken; right from that day Edward left her she had never been whole. And she wouldn't be again.

It was like a modern day Romeo and Juliet, a forbidden romance that ended tragically. I wondered how Edward felt about this, if he cared. I wondered if he felt guilty, because he should have and I would have been angry if he hadn't. He had caused this. He deserved everything he got.

I hoped that she was in a better place; I hoped that she was happy.

As I looked down at her fragile body I let a small smile hang by a thread on my lips. Hoping that she was happy somewhere was good enough for me. But I knew I'd never be able to let her go. Bella was all I wanted; even know as she lay on a hospital bed in a hospital gown.

I wasn't going to get my hopes up and anticipate the slow opening of her eyes, her final awakening from her slumber. Because I knew that Bella was gone. I could feel it in the room; I could see it from her face. Bella wasn't in there, and even if she was she was hanging by a thread.

Optimism wouldn't help her wake up, nothing would. Nothing was in that shell, and that's just what it was, a shell. Something that Bella uses to be in, but now that she was done with it she'd left it behind with us. A reminder that she had been here, something for us to remember her by. Something to put in her grave and something to look down upon as we say I last goodbye. But it wouldn't be mine; I would never be able to let Bella go, even if she wasn't here for me to hold on to.

Bella was gone. She was never coming back.

I couldn't accept that, because she was out there somewhere. Looking down at us from somewhere up in the sky. She was looking down on me, Charlie, Renee . . . on Edward, and the Cullen's. She was looking down on everyone that she loved, I knew it. Or maybe I just wanted to believe that.

"_Are you okay?"_

I had found her on her bed sobbing loudly with her dark curtain of her cascading around her face. She'd been curled up in a ball and hugging her knees to her chest. I hadn't known what to do, I'd felt so helpless in that moment that it made me want to cry. Knowing that she was crying over someone that broke her heart, and I wanted to fix it, but didn't know how to tell her. Instead I asked her if she was _okay_ when it was apparent that she wasn't.

"_No" _She'd told me. _"I can't breathe Jake, and right now I'm trying to keep myself from dying."_

Those words had cut me like a knife, reached in and tore me to pieces. She was broken and I was her superglue but didn't know how to approach her. But as I looked back I realized that no matter what I did or what I said, her mind had been made up from the day he left her.

She couldn't live without him. Her life revolved around him just like mine revolved around her. There was nothing for her here without him, and that hurt me worse that finding her dead. Knowing that I wasn't enough. That I never had been.

She wasn't ready. She never would be. Bella couldn't let go of the past, she couldn't believe that Edward was gone. Or if she had, she didn't want to believe it. She couldn't believe that nothing was ever going to bring him back, she wanted to have hope. She wanted to see him again.

And I think that was why she killed herself, to see him again.

She was a girl who gave her heart to someone who changed his mind.

There was nothing I wanted more than to see Edward right now and kill him. He deserved death after all that he put Bella through. The pain, and the reckless nights that she couldn't fall asleep because she was afraid of dreaming the dream she'd been having ever since the night in the forest.

I craved her presence, I longed for her warm breath against my skin. But I would never be with her again, not until I grew old and died. Yearning for something I would never have brought pain, but I lived through it. Because it was proof that Bella really had existed, that she'd been real.

She had been a kind young soul that would have gone far in life. That would have reached out and conquered all with her strong ability to lighten up anyone's day. But she'd lost herself along the way, because somehow she'd lost reason. Lost hope. Lost Edward.

It wasn't her fault, and although I knew she blamed herself I wished that somehow I could tell her that. Because it wasn't, if it boiled down to the truth, it was Edward's. He'd been stupid not to have seen what was in front of him. Immortal or mortal Edward was stupid and arrogant to have turned his back one a beautiful soul like Bella. She hadn't deserved the pain he brought her.

Promising her promises that he couldn't keep. Letting her go after her realized that mistake he had made with letting her in. Endangering her life just to comprehend later on that it wasn't going to work out. Making her believe that they had a chance and blocking her from the truth until it please him.

She was left with nothing, emptiness, when he left her. And he'd left with the love of a girl that didn't appreciate.

I walked out of the hospital room and continued on down the hall. People walked past me, but they didn't ever look back. I was someone they'd seen momentarily, someone that they didn't care about. They were people who didn't know the truth about the girl in room 213. The one that owned my heart, who had been strong but broken inside because she hadn't felt good enough for the man of her dreams.

They would never know how beautiful and strong Bella had been; never know who she truly was. All they'd see was a girl who commit suicide- someone who was depressed. But that wasn't who Bella was, who she had been.

When I made it out of the hospital I ran into the forest as fast as I could. The forest was comforting, it was home. I didn't want to go back to the hospital and watched as Bella's life ended slowly. I didn't want to see my father or Charlie or anyone else and see the solemn looks on their faces, knowing that we'd all lost her.

Pain rules us all.

It speaks to us, guides us.

And we obey. What other choice do we have?

**A/N**

For those of you who are still reading this story, thank you and I hope you're liking it. I've never experienced this before, but I hope it's still okay with all the information and emotion. In the end, instead of Jacob running away after finding out Bella and Edward are getting married, he runs away after she kills herself. Unable to see her and others knowing that they'd all lost her, not wanting to joining in with the grief but wanting to experience it himself.

~Sophia


End file.
